"Just eat around the Chicken Feet"

So bloody hectic week, it began with several long and tedious hours of being taught how to teach (something we may have covered in my TEFL course) and finished with me settled in my new house with a working washing machine, fridge and internet (currently in progress)

So like I say I have a new house, well more of a studio flat that greatly reminds me of living in halls. The vast majority of people living on the complex are students or fellow teachers, there are very few families as all of the flats are one room. I have my own bathroom which is actually a wet room, which makes cleaning it really easy just turn around when showering and voila, clean bathroom. My bed is tiny and has been hidden away behind a shelving unit to create the illusion of a separate room and some privacy, amazingly it works. When I am sat on my sofa it does actually feel like a different room and so if I have people over its not immediately obvious we are sat in my bedroom. Kitchen; small but functional or at least it will be at 11am tomorrow when my landlord finally gives me a fridge and cooker. Until then I have been forced to go and eat in the hundreds of small backstreet Chinese places about here, damn shame. Sadly my Chinese is still limited so I am living in varieties of noodles and fried rice (actually we ask for fried rice and seem to get everything but, never mind though all tastes good.)

School is going really well; I have had to observe what seems like hundreds of lessons, but is actually only seven. Watching is far more tiring than actually teaching as I cannot join in or talk to anyone; I sit in the corner and take notes on the same games and lessons over and over. This week is the first week of the holidays and so we are having a games and activities lesson. I am paining hard boiled eggs for the next two days and then have Friday off. Saturday we are having an old school sports day with games.

Well to is now after my first completely solo class for Shane school and I have to admit I am amazing. Of course it helps that 5 year old kids are fickle and giving them a balloon at the end of class makes them love it, (naturally I did not tell them that I had catered the class to be a little on the easy side for me as I have a cold-balloon volley ball lasted ages!) Unfortunately I was only told about my lesson about half an hour before I had to take it and so was amazingly under prepared. God bless TA’s and egg painting! Regardless it went really well.

This week has been stupidly stressful but I have achieved loads, today alone I set up a bank account, installed the internet, had a very thorough health check that left very little unchecked if you get my drift and taught a last minute lesson. Bloody productive day, so my now sitting in bed and watching Jaw’s again is thoroughly deserved.

Tomorrow I will be teaching the same class again but to slightly older kids, fingers crossed they too can be bribed by balloons, if not I am screwed! (Updates to follow.)

What's the worst part about living in a hostel?

Yesterday I sat and made a list of all of the classic hostel moments Clare and I have lived through. This particular list was over 40 entries long, obviously I am not going to be retelling all of them (you're welcome Clare), especially as some you really had to have been there or met the people involved. So here is a small selection of the best of the rest.

1. “Crazy Naked English Guy;”

Fairly self explanatory and pretty much what it says on the tin; this guy was first about in February. He had overstayed his VISA and was expecting the hostel staff to sort out his problem, (obviously this is not possible or my life last year would have been so much easier,) so instead he stood at the reception desk yelling, complaining and swearing about how terrible and barbaric the country was, and how it was no wonder China had not taken over the world. Things became a little tense here! This continued for several hours and again over the next few days and to make matters worse this guy would corner you and rant at you about his VISA issues. A guy that no amount of turning backs on and blatant ignoring would work with; we even tried the “excuse me while I blot you out” tactic but to no avail. As well as being really annoying and hugely rude this guy was a double threat. He walked about the hostel NAKED. First thing in the morning, as I was on my way to the bathroom, out of 2 rooms down would appear this big belly, then a few minutes later the rest of the naked English bulk. Fortunately the belly droop covered a large percentage of the offending parts but the back end. *shudder* a large hairy white arse plodding its way down the corridor in front of you is not what anyone wants to see first thing in the morning, or ever actually. Rafer can confirm that it was truly horrendous! Several times too we heard yelling “f*cking monkeys, stop it get out of my room you barbarians” as the cleaning ladies were fighting their way into his 4 person dorm room to empty the bins. Our first real nasty hostel-mate.

Sadly a few short recovery weeks later we had our saecond.

 2. “Old Frat House Guy.”

Sat one weekend morning in the bar minding our own buisness, when in rolled this suspiciously troublesome-looking-American, our worst fears were confirmed when a very loud “Ni-F*cking-Hao” was yelled into the bar. Several shoulders drooped as reality sunk in ‘this guy was staying here, in this hostel, with us!’ We could have put up, or even joined in, with his party frat house mentality if he wasn’t well into his late thirties (possibly early 40's) or it wasn’t half ten in the morning. Some prat yelling over the microphone “this one goes out to all the teachers in the room” and then singing some terrible rap song is not what you want at breakfast time. Believe me! Evenings fine, but breakfast; is just unforgivable!

Regardless, both of the pain in the butt/annoying men have given us some great stories to pass on when confronted with “what is your worst experience/worst part of living in a hostel?”

A surprising amount of people look at our [Clare and mine] extended stay in a hostel as a medal worthy achievement, whereas the rest look horrified and ask you what’s wrong with you. The later we don’t pay much attention to and the former we willingly entertain for hours on end with many of the stories that are now being told in these weekly instalments of “Classic Hostel Moments.”

Next week ‘The Gay Bar Experience’ and 'Crack Man'

(Classic Hostel Moments will continue until either I run out of stories or enthusiasm)

Our room--------->>>

Bye Bye Beijing.

Welcome to Claire vs. China, a shiny new blog that will keep all you nosey parkers back home up to date on my travels and my life in China. In theory this should stop the need for forceful updates and the subsequent flooding of my email inbox, thank you Becky.

I aim to update this as often as I can but as I have no idea how often I will be able to I am not make any promises.

So, after a hugely enjoyable four month stay in Beijing, ignoring of course the two failed employment ventures and the several brushes with the “Chinese way of doing things”, I have decided to pack my bag and leave. Do not fear we part on good terms but this particular relationship has run its course, for now. Next week after no doubt having to wrestle with my bag, I will be setting off for the ‘Spring-city’ Kumming (Very south city near to the border of Thailand) for phase two of my adventure.

It was after a phone call from two lost Canadians that I realised I know this city too well. I was able to guess where they were from their very vague and sketchy description and; get there to find them all without the aid of a map or a safety net. Realisation dawned and a new plan of action was immediately hatched, although it took a four page pro-con list to set this plan in stone. Of course the argument with my former-boss helped too! Regardless a decision and a plan were made that day.

I do not regret my time living in Sanlitun Youth Hostel at all, I have met some amazing people here including; a whole bunch of missionaries, a woman who is trained in Kung Fu and specialises in The Mace, set designers for various Middle Earth and Hobbit films and several very talented acrobats. Where else could you meet all of these different and completely extraordinary people and not have to leave the comfort of your front room/the bar? The list of classic hostel moments too has made up completely for the 5 roommates problem and no privacy thing.

 My favourites include such classic quotes as:

Random American on Stairs: “Christ when Brits drink heavy they drink to die, when we [Americans] drink heavy, we drink Bud Light”

and……

Indignant Girl: “I don’t just jump into bed with anybody you know, what do you think I am some kind of whore?”

Completely Sincere Boy: “Well it only took one Vodka, and you’re not a very good whore at that!” (Conversation held at 1am outside my bedroom door)

and…..

Slightly Older (50+) Woman A: “so do you think you’re going to ‘get lucky’ tonight?”

Slightly Older (50+) Woman B: “Oh I don’t know, I think I’m a bit old to still be ‘getting lucky’”

Slightly Older (50+) Woman A: “Nonsense, you still have a vagina don’t you!”

(Overheard whilst showering)

and finally…….

Missionary in Bathroom: “Wow I need to hurry up and get married, I need to get laid!” (Courtesy of eavesdropping Canadian Emily)

So like I was saying before I got distracted merrily skipping down amnesia lane, it has been an amazing experience living here and I would be completely happy returning here in a matter of weeks for a weekend and doing it all again. Well maybe not a matter of weeks, months defiantly though.

Anyway, I feel I have rambled on long enough for one sitting. Claire vs. China will continue when I have something important (or not) to say. Failing that I will be picking up classic hostel moments again, there are so many.

Thanks for listening.

Claire xx